The soup Nazi
by RageAgainstTheDyingOfLight
Summary: To break a monotony of the day! Short two chapter story based on a character of soup Nazi from Seinfeld (knowing the guy isn't necessary for understanding the story). So what happens when Tony, McGee, Ziva and Gibbs try the 'soup of God' and decide to visit the god himself? And of course: NO SOUP FOR YOU!
_**Awesome's note:**_

 **I wrote this story some time ago and never published it... I guess I'm kinda nostalgic cause of whole 'DiNozzo leaving a team thing' so decided to post. It' a short two chapter story and a real delicacy for all Seinfeld lovers. Hope you have aa good laugh this one (knowing the episode is not necessary for understanding the story). I got this idea when I watched the famous 'Soup Nazi' episode of Seinfeld for 189th time haha. Btw. did my investigation; the episode was based on real guy! Anyways, since the episode of Seinfeld ends with Nazi leaving the States cause of Elaine, I have given a story another twist; he is back, but this time, in Washington DC!**

 **As usual, I'd like to point out that English is my third language, so don't hate; appreciate.**

 _Later, bitches._

 _ **The soup Nazi**_

''Where the hell is DiNozzo?!'' Gibbs barked as he glanced at his watch indicating Tony left more than 2 hours ago to get them lunch, no signs of him showing up any time soon.

''We're working on cold cases Gibbs, you really expected Tony to come back that quick?'' Ziva snorted typing smugly on her computer as Gibbs grunted and swore under his breath will trying to act cool.

''I've called him 2 times, he's not answering boss.'' McGee gulped silently already feeling bad for Tony's sorry ass when he comes back.

''I'm gonna go get coffee.'' He finally got up and grabbed his coat as he pocketed his phone.

McGee snorted trying to make a comment about Gibbs deserting the good old enemy commonly known as 'cold case' as Gibbs shot him an evil look that clearly said _'Don't even think about it.'_

Just as he smirked to himself and walked his famous Gibbs- walk, the ding announced a new visitor as a fairly excited Tony exited the elevator with hands full of boxes.

''DiNozzo! Were you injured maybe since you last left the bullpen?'' Gibbs asked calmly and to Tony very unnaturaly… Almost like… Worrying? Wait, Gibbs was worried, his boss? And he's only been gone for like an hour… Adorable! Make a joke Tony… Or not, is Gibbs' face usually this red? Oh right, the question Tony, the question.

''Nope. Why boss?'' Tony smiled smugly as he shifted the paper bags in his hands.

''Were you dying or helping an injured person while you were gone?'' Gibbs asked again but now with a gruff tone.

This question kind of hit Tony unexpected, where did this come from? Well at least Gibbs was acting more like himself… Was that a good thing? Oh nevermind, the question Tony, he asked you a question…

''No?'' Tony raised an eyebrow eyeing his boss sideways.

Gibbs smiled… A bit too bright and too awkward for Tony's liking and then came the unexpected… Oh who was he fooling, it was completely expected. But maybe a part of him still believed that the absolutely deserved headslap was just going to pass by this time.

''Rule number 3 DiNozzo! Never be unreachable!'' Gibbs yelled as he slapped him on the back of a head glaring him with angry blue eyes.

''Thanks, boss.'' Tony murmured silently as he thought about should he explain to his boss why he left the phone in the car… Yeah, maybe not, the whole 'The soup Nazi does not allow phones in his restaurant' statement didn't sound too appropriate for the moment, and the anger in blue eyes was a definite sign of shutting up.

He walked into bullpen just seconds later as McGee and Ziva haven't made a sound silently typing on their computers. He eyed them carefully as he noticed they were actually smirking… Those brats… He waits in line for so long to bring them soup and they are giggling there like teenage girls when they receive a message from a crush.

''So!'' Tony finally announced as he fixed his expensive black suit a bit.

''I present you the best soup that you will ever taste in your LIFE!'' Tony made a scandalous motion opening the paper bag containing a small bowl and some bread.

''You were gone for 2 hours to bring us _soup_?'' McGee smirked as he glanced up from his computer to see Ziva silently laughing staring at Tony who held a soup like some kind of trophy.

''Not just any soup McIgnorant, _the_ soup. ''

''What so special about the soup Tony?'' Ziva finally asked snatching the question right from McGee's mouth.

''Well, Zeevah, why don't you try it so you can be the judge then?'' Tony smugly approached her desk with bags.

''Now, would you like medium crab bisque, medium turkey chilli, Mulligatawny or lima bean?''

''Lima bean? Uh never been a big fun of it.'' Ziva commented as she picked through bags.

''Fan. You've never been a big fan.'' McGee corrected impatiently waiting to taste _the soup._

''What's with Mulligatawny?'' Ziva asked curiously as he picked a bag containing the soup.

''Oh that one is a diamond. It's an Indian soup. Simmered to perfection by one of the great soup artisans in the modern era,-''

''Oh just take the damn soup and give me one!'' Gibbs finally yelled as he strolled into bullpen with a fresh coffee.

Tony awkwardly placed Mulligatawny soup on Ziva's desk as he walked to Gibbs' desk.

''So boss, what is it going to be? Medium cra-''

But Gibbs just interrupted his sentence as he grabbed one of the bags and gave Tony a famous Gibbs-stare while Tony continued the awkward walk to McGee's desk.

''So probie, you seem like a lima bean guy, huh?'' Tony smirked as he held the bags.

''Which one is lima bean in?'' McGee asked as he pointed at the boxes.

''Left one.'' Tony answered quickly feeling utterly happy for saving crab bisque for himself… Oh, he could already feel that taste playing a lovely taste-symphony in his mouth…

''Tony! This soup is amazing!'' Ziva let the squeal of delight as she greedily ate the soup like a maniac.

'Seriously Ziva, losing it over a soup?' he thought and just as he was about to throw a joke about Ziva's animal-like behavior he felt his crab bisque soup snatched out of the hand.

''Hey! I thought you wanted the lima bean?!'' Tony protested as McGee smirked and started to open the box.

''Maybe next time Tony.'' McGee mocked as he took a spoon full of delicious looking liquor into his mouth.

''Oh my god! This…'' McGee took another greedy spoon full of soup as he gluped it down, ''this is.. wow!'' McGee now had the look on his face Ziva had just moment ago and dug into a soup like an animal.

Gibbs just watched the whole interaction feeling fairly annoyed. First he is gone for 2 hours to get the lunch while they are starving, then he comes back with the stupid soup and Ziva and McGee are acting like they have just been poisoned by the love potion… Something wasn't right… The damn soup couldn't be that good.

''Aren't you gonna eat yours, boss?'' Tony asked almost hopefully.

At Tony's question both Ziva and McGee shot their heads up having the same look in their eyes as Tony. _'Please say no, please say no…'_

''I am.'' He answered shortly trying not to laugh at the look of the disappointment that crossed their agent's face.

Tony started to eat his medium lima beam, in normal conditions he would never eat this soup, but this… Wow, the soup Nazi made every soup taste so perfect…

The noise that sounded as a strangled sigh of delight shook him from his thoughts as he glanced up and noticed his boss had finally tasted the soup.

''Told ya.'' Tony smirked proudly as no one spoke and this perfection.

Gibbs just glanced him an evil look trying to hide his amusement with the whole situation and the fact the damn soup was so good it was almost unreal.

''This is it?'' Ziva spoke after few minutes with something that sounded disappointment, and maybe anger… Definitely anger, this was Ziva we're talking about, there must be at least a bit of anger.

''Well yeah, I didn't think-''

''Seriously Tony! You brought only one soup?!'' McGee asked suddenly feeling very vulnerable. There were only 2 more soups and then it was gone… Oh no, he could not deal with that, not yet…

''The soup has made you greedy I see'' Tony smirked as he glanced around the bullpen and caught a look in Gibbs' eyes that pretty sure said 'no more soup?' but he pretended not to see it as his boss tried so hard to hide his delight with the soup.

''Where did you get the soup anyway?'' Ziva asked.

''There is this small restaurant few blocks from here, the guy who owns the restaurant serves people, he's a bit… Eccentric, but makes the best soup ever, you gotta see the line there! But it's totally worth the waiting.'' Tony exclaimed.

Ziva nodded in agreement as the thoughts of delicious soup brought an inevitable smile to her face..

''A bit eccentric?'' McGee finally asked looking confused.

''Oh yeah… He has a little attitude… They call him the soup Nazi secretly.'' Tony nodded his head seriously.

''Why would they call him that?'' Ziva spoke with the same confusion in the voice McGee had only few moments ago.

''He has these rules. You have to stand in the line on the right side, you must place the money on the counter, you can't use your phone or talk…''

At the mention of the phone Gibbs' head shot up giving Tony the 'seriously' look, piercing blue eyes showing no amusement.

''Not like I left my phone cause of that, no, no, boss…'' Tony smiled bitterly as Ziva and McGee shared an amused look.

''So what happens if you don't follow the rules?'' Ziva asked again.

''Oh boy… You can't get the soup, and sometimes he bans you from the restaurant for like a month, or even a year if you do really bad!''

Ziva busted laughing at this not believing a word Tony said eyeing him skeptically. Tony just nodded his head seriously as this was some kind of matter of life and death as McGee just shook his head in amusement, Gibbs watching the whole thing half- annoyed, half- amused.

''So no new cases still, Gibbs?'' Ziva asked cautiously after few minutes of silence glancing between her teammates who all saw where this was going and both admired her braveness.

''Nope.'' Gibbs just answered coldly as he read the cold-case file in front of him.

Ziva looked back again to Tony and McGee who gave her thumbs up and mouthed obviously: 'Ask him'.

''So, perhaps we should go and grab some soup?'' Ziva asked innocently as Gibbs looked up at her coldly.

'Damn' Tony and McGee mouthed to themselves as they recognized the lost battle when they saw it and sunk deeper into their chairs feeling utterly disappointed.

Gibbs couldn't believe what she was asking… Was she serious? But that soup was so damn good… He would give anything for that turkey chilli again… Jesus, was he really considering this? That soup got to had some kind of poison in it, now he was sure… But he really wanted to taste it again, no matter poisoned or not… He'd live… And there were really no cases…

''Let's go.'' Gibbs finally said after few moments of silence as the rest of the team already gave up on the idea and their faces immediately lit up as their gathered their stuff.

Gibbs grabbed his coat and coffee as his team followed behind like 5-year olds when you take them for ice cream.

''Yes!'' he could hear McGee silently yelling and he could almost see Tony's idiot smile crossing his face although they were behind him. Few more high-fives and laughs of pure joy were heard and he half smiled to himself as he pressed the elevator button.


End file.
